Marriage, Wooden Spoons, And Respect

“I never thought I would have to give up so much in marriage!”

David met his wife in college, and they dated for 3 years before tying the knot. Their vows displayed the respect they had for each other and how they would naturally do whatever it would take to please the other – because the other person’s happiness was the priority. Then one day, the wooden spoons ended up in the dishwasher.

Christine was taught by her mom that putting the wooden spoons in the dishwasher would dry them out and crack them, so you always wash them by hand. What David learned from his parents is that you don’t sweat the small stuff; if the wooden spoons fell apart, just buy more.

Matthew 12:25

Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them, “Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand.

This was such a little thing that caused a huge problem in defining and demanding respect between David and Christine. The wooden spoons became a tug-of-war for control and a stake in the ground to stand firm and refuse to budge. Statements like, “It’s not that big of a deal,” inflamed Christine’s need for respect. Her response was clearly disproportionate when she tearfully replied, “David, your unwillingness to change only makes me feel like you don’t respect me.”

It’s not always the big things in marriage that cause the problems; sometimes it’s the little things.

Wooden spoons are not meant to be weapons of war. Holding firm to your way of doing things in a marriage is an indication that there is a bit of pride hiding behind the unwillingness to serve your spouse.

John 12:26

Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.

If we can’t serve our spouse, how then will we be able to serve Our Lord? How are two people supposed to be united when they cannot come to an agreement about wooden spoons? Who should be the first person to give in, back down, give up their rights to getting their own way in the marriage?

Compromising in marriages has become distorted. Initially, the idea was with good intent but in the heat of the debate in a marriage, “compromise” can turn into bargaining and negotiating in a way that only digs the heels in deeper.

What if instead, couples were able to set aside their own demands for the needs of their spouses? Maybe the perspective would change if we change the shorten the sentence from, “I always need to give up…” to “I always need to give.”

Love Quote: When you make the sacrifice in marriage, you’re sacrificing not to each other but to unity in a relationship.

Joseph Campbell

Here are some tips on how to create unity in your marriage and not division: 5 Marriage Tips To Get Your Way

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